Mefat Blogs

What is it like being a Girl?

Is it just about buying the prettiest dress you can twirl in? Or more?

Growing up in an apparent open minded society here are a few things I’ve noticed.

To be a girl is to be born with unimaginable weight on your shoulders.

The weight of expectations, pressures, etiquette, decency.

Being a girl is not about being alone but about being lonely.

To have men attached to you at every stage of life and having a meaningless existence without one.

To be a girl is to be under everyone’s nose.

To have great qualities that go unnoticed.

To have judgements passed on you based on your looks rather than your intellect.

To have to achieve more than extraordinary results to be appreciated.

To be expected to go with the flow but mocked about being too ordinary.

To be called too emotional yet treated like robots.

Expected to possess unique qualities but forced to suppress when revealed.

To celebrate a mans worldly achievement but looked down upon when attained oneself.

They talk about how proud they are of you when you get that ‘A’ but they tell you to stay home and not utilize that grade

He beats you and claims it’s allowed in Islam but forgets that the person who brought the religion never harmfully laid a finger on his wives

They ask you to smile often because you’re a girl, but never ask you why you don’t

To be a girl is to master every tough situation but titled weak due to physique

They blame you for every bad situation cause the girl brings ‘the luck’ but don’t see it’s all falling apart as a consequence of ill treatment – manhoos

They expect you to be 100% all the time but laugh at your face when you expect the same

Yes they’ve stopped burying newborn girls alive, yes they’ve dialed down the violence against females, yes they’ve started educating their little girls just like their little boys…but ask them what they REALLY feel about it?

Most of us would be lying if we said we never wished we were boys atleast once in our lives just to taste that freedom and privilege of ‘boys will be boys’

It’s difficult; oh so so difficult to be a girl, but so glad I’m not a boy.

– Mehak Fatima

Almost a year ago as I was curiously reading the Translation of the Quran I came Across this Appalling Translation of the Verse: 4:34 [Sahih]

🖊 But those [wives] from whom you fear arrogance – [first] advise them; [then if they persist], forsake them in bed; and [finally], strike them. But if they obey you [once more], seek no means against them. Indeed, Allah is ever Exalted and Grand. 🖊

I REFUSED to believe in the last part where it said “and [finally] strike them” (the wife)

I had enough faith in my Religion and the rights it gave us as women, to have me believing in something that is not right. It took me MONTHS to figure out if this wasn’t translated properly or the fact that English or any other language does justice to the language of the Quran, as a bilingual myself i know many literal translations don’t make sense.

I went from references to references, Maulana to Maulana checked out Majalis lectures to see if anyone talked about this very Specific verse. I found nothing. When I asked the religious people I knew and could trust. They had no answer as to why would a religion as beautiful and peaceful; a feminist religion have a verse that directly allowed a Man to Strike (beat) a Woman.

One Maulana I spoke to, told me that if/when a Man hits his wife and if it causes the slightest bit of redness on the skin (reread no scar no scratch definitely no bleeding but even redness) would have to give a fine. Which means that when certain MEN tell you it’s allowed to hit women and quote the Quranic Verse 4:34 you tell them there’s a fine and that it’s not allowed.

That still wasn’t satisfying because my concern was WHY is it even mentioned and WHY does it allow the type of thought process where Men need to Over Power & Control Women especially by Raising their Hand.

After about 6-7 months I heard a live session by Dr. Sayed Ammar Nakhshwani most of you wouldn’t know who he is Some of you don’t agree with the way he preaches Islam. But leaving all that aside, to my surprise, the topic of Surah Nisa Ayah 34 came up. Before this point i was furious as to how no Scholar had discussed this in detail and depth.

The interviewer asked Sayed and He explained how English Translations do inJustice to Arabic, secondly he pointed out how the translator had been a Male at that primitive time where beating wives and burying baby girls was in the norm with a Male Perspective of the world. (Basically how Men think of themselves as Superior to Women) and the fact that they’re influneced by the Politics and Theology of that era & the Social Maneuver that they’ve grown up in would have an affect on the Tafseer & Translation of this.

Basically EVERY verse.

The part where it says “Men are Incharge of Women” was translated from the Arabic Word “Qawwamun” which Sayed said could easily translate into “Men are Maintainers of Women” which means they have no superiority over them but only that they have responsibilities that they need to fulfill.

Furthermore he mentioned the word “Wadharibuhunna” which MANY sources and extremists believe – again translated in the era where wife beating was normal – means to ‘beat’ whereas like various words in any language have multiple meanings, so does the syllable “Zarb” which could either mean ‘Beat’ OR it means “Travel”

Which in the context of the 21st century means Separation.

Separation with agreement from both Partners if one of them doesn’t listen to the other or ANYTHING that gives you a breather for that Matter.

Separation helps a couple out not Beating up a wife.

Don’t quote verses of the Quran when you’re not even sure of what it exactly translates to OR in what context it’s been translated.

Use the brain that has been provided to you and use it for good. I’m Glad I did.

– Mehak Fatima

Not that we need to justify these because everyone who made these posters knew about the reactions that were coming so lets get a little perspective here shall we.

1. ‘Naach meri bulbul koi kuch nahi kahe ga’

When the ‘men’ in a household would happily watch a movie star doing an item number but slap their daughter if she dances. Yes this is what the aurat march represents.

2. ‘Main Awara main Badchalan’ when a daughter-in-law goes out to work because her husband is too arrogant to work under someone and her saas the husbands mother who only wants a maid not a bahu calls her ‘awara’. Yes this is what the aurat march represents.

3. ‘Ghatiya Mard se Azadi Sar Dard se Azadi’ when a husband who’s CLEARLY not abiding by any islamic laws throws acid on his wife’s face because she wore too much makeup or hurt his ego by being honest. Yes this is what the aurat march represents.

4. ‘Mujhe kya maaloom tumhara moza kahan hai’ when a brother slaps his sister or breaks her precious things that SHE relentlessly worked for, because she couldn’t find one of his socks. Yes this is what the aurat march represents.

5. ‘Apna khana khud garam karo’ ‘khana khud garam karna seekh liya’ when the son of a mother who carried him in her uterus for 9 months and had to endure labour pains during birth and menstrual cramps all her life just so he could turn out to be healthy child. Shows his ‘mardangi’ by screaming at her and throwing hence wasting the cold food. Or husband beats the crap out of his wife because she requested him to heat his own food for once. Yes this is what the aurat march represents.

6. ‘Tumhare baap ki sarak nahi hai’ when time wasting useless 17-18 year old boy cat calls at a girl who’s walking home from uni/work because she can’t afford a rikshaw. Yes this is what the aurat march represents.

7. ‘Aurat bacha paida karne ki machine nahi hai’ when a wife who gives birth to her 3rd baby girl by battling death and has to do once more cause ‘larka paida hojai buss’ even if it kills her for good. Yes this is what the aurat march represents.

8. ‘Agar dupatta itna pasand hai toh aankhon pe baandh lo’ , ‘Nazar teri gandi aur parda main karon’ , ‘Main lollipop nahi aurat hoon’ when your boy cousin or uncle molests/rapes you because you were ‘asking for it’ hence traumatizes you for life. Yes this is what the aurat march represents.

9. Alot of you were offended by this ‘dick pics apnay paas rakho’ i mean really do i really need explain why someone wrote this on a chart paper? Doesn’t the sentence explain itself ? Cyber harassment laws jaake parhlo behen/bhai.

Apne nahi aana march main na aao, but don’t pretend you know what you’re talking about. These “offensive” placards only state the truth. Yeh bara masla hai. Many of you don’t even know you walk on eggshells in your own homes. We really don’t need to justify everything that’s mentioned.

You all reek of Patriarchy.

– Mehak Fatima

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton